A Treatise on Harry Potter, the Mary Sue slash Gary Stu
by Guardian54
Summary: Harry's closest friends, with some modifications (due to setting this in my own HP rewrite's future), sit down together to contemplate the question of how much of a Mary Sue Harry is portrayed as in the novelizations of his time at Hogwarts. This fic can stand alone, you need not read any of my other works to understand it. WARNING: Occasional Fridge Horror inside.
1. Hermione's Realization

A/N: Inb4 masses of rage who don't even bother reading this before reviewing and bombarding me with flames. Ron will be OOC due to… well you'll see soon enough, and tech in this version is ahead of our timeline too. This is because it is within the SI Archives and Harmony Shepard series timelines as a **standalone story. Reading those is NOT required for understanding this fic. No events from there will be referenced here to significant degrees. They will only concern the books by "JK Rowling".**

READING THIS IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BEFORE READING MY HARMONY SHEPARD SERIES IF YOU THINK SHE'S TOO MUCH OF A SUE.

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><p>Chapter 1: Hermione's Realization<p>

_Circa year 2010, a moment of supreme boredom…_

Hermione was at her home, spending some time off from work due to Ron's nagging. They both agreed many years ago on calling it her home, even though he happened to live there too, because, well, to quote Ron (while laughing uproariously at her questioning his word choice) "I think we all know who's dominant in this relationship."

She spent the night on the guest bed and he spent most of the night facepalming at how she'd kicked him out of the guest room when he tried to join her, because, well, she was doing a really bad job of trying to disprove his point. It took a couple days to convince her that no, they were not in fact equals, and if she thought he had a problem with women dominating over him then she must think him a real ass for having a problem with his mother.

He had, on the other hand, been superbly glad his mother looked nothing like the actor cast as her in the Harry Potter movies. His second best friend (Hermione would always be first by dint of being his wife) had not been amused at the novelization of their adventures by his third best friend, but Ginny had made him see sense after a while. On the other hand, it was hilarious how Harry and Draco had exploited that one unfortunate incident involving an attempted Animagus transformation gone very, very wrong to cast themselves as, well, themselves.

Ron suspected Harry was still laughing his ass off regularly at how the filming studios his friend Harmony controlled thought "Daniel Radcliffe" had the lightning scar tattooed on his head.

Ron was spending the day off too, though, much to Hermione's irritation, he didn't seem too enthusiastic about a day relaxing with her, with Rose, Briar and Hugo fobbed off on Molly. He was always much more energetic about days off when they were both younger and didn't already undergo the incredible irritation known as children. Well, if he wasn't feeling up to it she wasn't going to push him. Reading some fanfiction on the series of books her older twin had put out under the pen name JK Rowling (derived from "JK" for Joking and Trolling minus the T) which she'd cut herself out of was always an interesting activity.

All Hermione could think of though was "Harry is already shown as strong enough in the books, why do these fanfiction writers feel the need to make him even stronger?" Then she saw a review mentioning a term called a Mary Sue. And that was how this happened, since it was a slow day at the Auror office and also one of Ginny's days off from playing for the Harpies.

Before we begin on our story, let us note that Molly didn't approve of Ginny going back to Quidditch after having three kids, but, well, to quote Ginny… "Mom, you had seven kids before you went off on your own, hunted down and pureed the guys who tried to kill Uncles Gideon and Fabian, only missing Dolohov because he was out at the time. I doubt Quidditch is more dangerous than ambushing four Death Eaters in their own hideout and slaughtering them all single-handedly…" There were many reasons why only Dolohov was named as one of the five involved in what was at the time (and would have been if not for time travel bullshit) believed to be the murder of Gideon and Fabian Prewett. The foremost among them was that Molly didn't leave enough of the other four to be identified without extensive DNA screening, which wizards lacked.

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><p>Fred, though he was still pissed off at Harmony's killing him off in her last book as a random case of "anyone can die", was still up for a good laugh any day of the week. He was also always up for a break from the paperwork of running a large, international business. This was why when the call came from Ron he showed up almost faster than Apparition would allow despite Hermione's ludicrous level of warding on her house making him have to Apparate several blocks away and then walk. George showed up almost on top of him roughly two seconds into his walk. Fred was not up for this kind of "good laugh" often enough, he supposed, because it wasn't fun being fallen on, and other than being a general asshole through most of his school years to many who hadn't done anything in particular to him or his lot he hadn't done anything to deserve it…<p>

Oh, right… that would about do it for every misfortune that befell him for the rest of his life. That and the karma from naming his firstborn son George just because his twin had named his firstborn son Fred. Angelina and Alicia had been quite amused by these choices and let it slide.

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><p>"So what are we looking at here?" Harry asked Hermione as Fred and George arrived. He, Hermione, Ginny, Ron, Luna, and Harmony, the culprit of those accursed books that made it hard for him to go outside in the Muggle world (though the extra income was nice, and so was trolling the hell out of the film studio crew), were already gathered in Hermione's living room.<p>

Fred was first to say "I'm surprised you're here, Harmony, don't you have a globe to liberate with your Global Liberation Army?"

"We're mostly cooperating with the Brotherhood of Nod, in the more backwater areas that can't really support Nod operations easily yet, working on subversive operations. I had to be here to see my sister realize something about Harry that none of the readers seem to realize."

"Watch it, Harmony, if you're considered a fanfiction character then just being related to me would probably count you in as a Sue, easily, not to mention wizards don't usually use guns."

Harmony shrugged, uncaring of popular opinion on what might be perceived by those too weak to grasp the power needed to prevail as out-of-place or heretical or something "It won the war for us, didn't it? Now, I think we should begin, Hermione, if you would tell us what you found?"

"I have discovered that my evil twin, through her novelizations of our time at Hogwarts, has managed to create a cultural phenomenon based almost entirely upon one of the larger Mary Sues that I have seen in fiction."

There was utter silence around the round dining table that Hermione had bought for sturdiness, and which at least one of their twins and Hugo had probably been conceived on.

"What's a Mary Sue?" The theoretically half-fairy girl present asked, acting fully sane these days because her mother had stopped having to fake dead to escape persecution for marrying a wizard. Technically Luna was all human, just as "monsters" (goblins, giants, etc.) in human guise were, at least those with perfected disguises (Hagrid's mother's hadn't been so well done, so she was forced to flee), fully human, but if she ever tried for an Animagus form she was pretty much guaranteed to have a fairy form (and not the tiny charm-summoned fake variety either), maybe even in addition to an animal form.

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><p><em>Much explaining later…<em>

"Well…" Fred began

"…I don't know, Hermione…" Geroge continued

"…But aren't all hero characters…"

"…kind of Sue-ish?"

Hermione shrugged "Yes, but there's Hero strong, and then there's Sue strong. I think Harry's a bit over-hyped in the books, so I thought we should get together and discuss this problem."

"I can see that being the case." Ginny said. "Harry, we didn't seem to have any major disagreements, did we, in the books?"

"Nope." Harry grinned as he thought back to those days when Ginny was furious with Harmony for not taking Harry for herself, since she believed the brunette had better chemistry with him (he would almost have certainly been sued to dominant females, if not for his aunt then his mother once time travel bullshit put her back into play on their side of the war), while Harmony insisted (also correctly) that Harry wanted and needed a more stable life. If there was an equivalent to tug of war with a pole being pushed from both ends, Harry would compare it to that.

"In reality we had at least one major relationship issue."

"Yeah."

"I meant naming Albus, Harry."

"I'm still annoyed about that one." Harry grumbled. Ginny had named him that because Albus Dumbledore was such a good manipulator that he was a good role model. Harry still thought that naming the kid Albus Severus Potter was asking for him to be sorted into Slytherin, but he knew he was just being over-protective in case the kids of any of the families whose reputations or social positions were smashed by the Second Voldemort War still carried grudges.

Hermione talked loudly to try to quiet the chatter that had erupted "I was hoping to talk over this in some sort of order, according to this 'Universal Mary Sue Litmus Test' I found."

"There's a test for that?" Fred asked somewhat incredulously.

"If it exists, there's a test for it." Hermione told him. "Anyhow.. let's get started…"

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><p><strong>1. Isdoes your character's name:  
><strong>**a) Your name, variation of your name, nickname, screen name, or any name that has been applied to you?  
><strong>**b) A name you planned on giving one of your children?  
><strong>**c) Is your character's name taken deliberately from a character from another fandom you like?  
><strong>**d) Does your character have an unusual or exotic name chosen mainly due to being exotic or to make them stand out more?  
><strong>**e) Is the name not merely mildly unusual but VERY unusual for the time and place?**

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><p>"Does your name for me when we were little, either 'Harmy' or 'Hammy', count, Hermione? Because I really do not think I influenced Lily Evans at any point in her life before 1981 enough for her to name her son for me." Harmony said. "Because if it doesn't, I do not see how our names could possibly be related."<p>

"Pirate-shipping?" Ginny suggested, making Harmony facepalm at the fact that Ginny, back in the older group's fourth and fifth years, had campaigned for the "HarHarr" shipping which had immediately been coined "Pirate-shipping" by the general Hogwarts populace. Harmony's reply at the time was that "HarrGin" sounded enough like the Chinese city of Harbin (technically pronounced as Ha-er-bin) that it was "Harbinger-shipping", which she campaigned for in response just because it was funny. Harry's opinion of both campaigns was best summarized as an intimate encounter of his face with his palm.

"That does NOT count as names being related, given I didn't name him or affect his naming!"

"Settle down Harmony, was it a name you planned on giving one of your kids?"

"I'd give them more common names like Alex or something. Harry is not a name from another fandom, and it's not exotic, despite not being common enough for any kids I might have. So, next question?"

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><p><strong>2. Did you deliberately base your character's looks on your own?<strong>

**3. Does your character look how you wish you looked?**

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><p>While most of the room was laughing their collective asses off, Hermione answered her own questions loudly "The official JK Rowling disguise is blonde, and female, if I recall correctly."<p>

"Yeah, and I don't think Harmony's going to have penis envy before the end of human civilization, at the earliest." Fred yelled, making the laughter even louder at the ludicrous idea being voiced.

"Okay, next question? I don't have all day, Hermione." Harmony prompted.

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><p><strong>4. Is your character described, illustrated, andor depicted as looking especially beautiful, handsome or cute with little or no effort?  
><strong>**a) Does anyone become distracted or enraptured by your character's looks?  
><strong>**b) Does anyone fight or squabble over your character because of their looks?  
><strong>**c) Is anyone (including you) jealous of your character's good looks?  
><strong>**d) Do any characters see their attractiveness as a threat?**

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><p>"According to the books I see Harry's apparent appeal as a threat because I'm a barmy old codger who is such as ass to Hermione that if Harmony hadn't edited herself out would have been obligated to at least castrate me, and she would have been right to do it too if I really acted like the Ron in the books." Ron shot Harmony an evil glare at making him such an ass when she wrote said books.<p>

"Barmy old codger… where have I heard that before?" Harmony frowned, thinking, and thoroughly ignoring Ron's glare.

"Hmm… oh! I can't believe we forgot to invite Dobby… but I suppose it's a good thing, because, well, he'd increase my number of Sue points by a great deal because he's a fan and probably thinks most of these should count…" Harry told them after realizing.

"I hope we aren't counting my initial fan-girl stage as being enraptured by Harry." Ginny tried to steer them back on track.

"I don't think so, maybe we can tally it with several levels of 'Yes', starting with 'Vaguely', 'Somewhat' and finally 'Yes'?" Hermione suggested, pulling up an Excel file and starting the tally. "So the book version of Harry checks off one under 'Vaguely' and two under 'Yes' now."

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><p><strong>5. Does anyone tell your character how cutebeautiful/handsome they are, or refer to them as such when talking about or to your character?  
><strong>**a) Even those who don't especially like your character, or consider your character a rival or enemy?  
><strong>**b) Does your character modestly deny it every time or refuse to believe that they are attractive?**

**6. Does your character have a GREAT body/physique, which you describe, show and/or illustrate in detail?  
><strong>**a) Despite their eating and/or exercising habits decree that they should be under or overweight, or lack most of those gorgeous manly muscles?  
><strong>**b) Does your character weigh so little that they could be (or are) mistaken for anorexic, but aren't, and it's taken as a compliment?**

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><p>"Again, does 'his eyes are as green as a fresh pickled'—HURK!" Fred toppled out of sight, dramatically clutching his chest, as the cushion Ginny threw at him hit him there.<p>

"Mark down number five as vaguely, no, and then YES." Ginny told Hermione, who did so. "Harmony didn't put much detail into Harry's figure in the books, but I do agree that he developed abnormally well given his eating and exercising habits in the books… and in real life. I'm guessing you were on his ass about physical training enough to keep up with you as you were slaughtering your path through the enemy?" She asked Harmony.

"No, I wasn't on him about physical much, maybe it was because he preferred protein foods to fat-rich ones, it helps slightly against fat buildup, as there's less calories per gram."

"Still, I'd say the three points on question six are no, somewhat, and no." Ginny said, squinting at her husband, who looked offended, then adding "It's not that I don't like your body, but she really didn't describe it much, like how you shiver when I do _this_." She leaned over and licked his ear, making him twitch and glance at Ron, Fred and George who all squeezed their eyes shut and stuffed their fingers in their ears upon seeing him looking at them, if they hadn't already done so in protest.

"So now we're up to two 'vaguely', one 'somewhat' and three 'Yes'…" Hermione read the tally.

Harmony had decided to get started with the next questions already, reading "Question seven talks about great strength despite a waifish figure… that's only for females, and even I would fail that question." She flexed her arm to emphasize her musculature. "Eight… poetic and creative terms for the character but almost no one else save perhaps the love interest… I don't think I did. Frequently describing sexiness or the complete lack thereof… no I don't think I bothered with that either. Does Harry look like a celebrity in the Muggle world? Well, I hope his alter ego of Daniel Radcliffe doesn't count, since that came out AFTER the original Harry. Hmm, this next one's interesting…"

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><p><strong>10. Do other characters find your character extremely attractive and desirable, even when they should be completely gross and icky (e.g. after battling, getting tortured, or going for days without washing) and they don't have a kink for that kind of thing?<strong>

**11. Does your character have any of the following:  
><strong>**a) Natural eye coloration not normally found in their species?  
><strong>**b) Eyes with any other unusual qualities (flash, change colour, heterochromatic, etc.)?  
><strong>**c) Natural hair colour not normally found in their species?  
><strong>**d) Unusual features of any other kind? (Particularly unusual birthmark, tattoo, blood colour, etc.) One check for each.**

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><p>"I don't know, Gred, didn't Ginny first kiss Harry for real right after a Quidditch match when they should have been gross as hell, because they didn't let the team go to the shower rooms and took them straight back to the common room to party?" Fred said.<p>

"That's what I heard, Forge… uh, Ginny, what… ouch, ouch, let go please! OUCH!" She'd grabbed them both by an ear (George's only ear) and pulled them closer to each other so that she could talk between them.

"First of all, I didn't jump him nearly as much as us teens could have done, and second of all, we were equally gross, so it doesn't count, got it?" She hissed at them.

"Yes, yes!"

"Good." She let go. "I think Harry needs to be marked down as 11A somewhat, since green eyes are really rare, 11B is definitely true since his eyes did change colour when he was possessed back at the Ministry in fifth year, and for 11D you need to mark down two cases of YES."

"Two? I thought it was just the scar?" Harry asked, looking down at himself "Unless you mean…" He smirked, obviously teasing.

"Oi, stop the dick-waving, Potter!" Ron cut in.

"No, I mean your abomination of hair. Every time we brush Lily's hair she cries because it gets tangled so badly and hurts, not like mine or your mother's, we both have straight hair." Ginny pointed out. "And your hair grows right back whenever we try to cut it too, it's like it's cursed or something."

"The Potter Curse is to spread misery to any daughters the line might bear, for their hair will be painful unless cropped to under two inches length." Luna said, with an index finger raised, as if expressing some deep truth of life. Well, she might have been…

"I guess we'll be asking Lily about a haircut when we get home?"

"I don't think she'll agree until she's about Hogwarts age unless we let Harmony terrify her a bit." Ginny shook her head "And I don't think she'd ever be the same afterward."

"I second that opinion. What's the tally now, Hermione?"

"Two 'Vaguely', two 'Somewhat' and six 'Yes' so far."

"How many questions are there then?"

"Ninety-eight for all characters, then a couple more for original characters like Harry supposedly is, and finally some de-Suifiers to deduct points."

"And we're only done Question Eleven… Harry I think you're fucked." Harmony opined.

"I agree with Harmony." Ginny chirped, grinning at her husband "I married a Mary Sue, I hope."

"So the next question talks about Harry's scent. Ginny, any opinions?" Hermione went back to business.

"Nothing unusual there, so no."

"A small flaw or scar that is noticed by someone, but does not detract from their appearance in your point of view?" Hermione looked up and squinted at Harry.

"Glasses, and the scar on his head. I think those count as a yes, because I as the author could not give less of a shit about them potentially detracting from his appearance." Harmony supplied.

"Has he battled a lot without scars to show for it, unless there's healing magic to fix the scars?" Hermione asked.

"Well, he doesn't look like Moody or similar yet, so I'd put it down as a Vaguely, since even Ron has more battle scars from those extracted Muggleborn brains in the Department of Mysteries where they were trying to prove there was something different between Muggleborns and those of Wizarding descent." Luna snarled, despite not having spoken much so far. Neither Weasley twin was inclined to discuss the topic of combat injuries, due to George's ear. Harmony had later found out about the purpose of and liberated the brains via time travel shenanigans. The thing about time travel was that if you hadn't done it already you'd never think to do it… so going back in time did not mess with the order of the universe, merely ensured it. However, that wasn't really important here.

"So what about his gaze? Is it particularly piercing, haunting, captivating, or dazzling?"

"You sound like you're talking about Dumb-Odour here." Ginny observed.

"Alright then, that's three 'Vaguely', two 'Somewhat', and seven 'Yes' so far. This next one's a bit tougher, take a look."

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><p><strong>17. Does your character's personal choice of clothing frequently include:<br>****a) Clothing deliberately picked from your own wardrobe?  
><strong>**b) Clothing chosen because you really wish you owned it or could get away with wearing it in public?  
><strong>**c) Clothing you chose because it makes your character look super sexy/badass?  
><strong>**d) Clothing that is realistically impractical, improper, or inappropriate for the character's situation, but LOOKS cool? (ignore if clothing choice backfires)**

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><p>"Why is this question tougher, Hermione?" George asked.<p>

"Because, in case you forget the lessons from my training sessions, it is FUCKING RETARDED to wear ROBES to a fight, ANY fight, when you could be wearing shirt and pants instead, or, even better, PROTECTIVE GEAR. Robes catch on all sorts of things, and can detonate stuff like redactors that would otherwise have missed you completely. It only serves one function, well, two in the story, arrogance in the superiority of wizards being so great as to overcome basic practicality is the first, and coolness is the case for fiction purposes." Harmony dictated. "The question is, robes are technically proper for Harry's environment, even if they are shit for combat. How do we count this one? I say we count it as Yes, because Harry was street brawling enough against Dudley's lot to know that either you have loose clothes that are easy to get out of or nearly skin tight stuff to not get caught on things like tree branches or drag in the wind."

"I think it should be Yes for B, C, and D." Hermione said "You can't really get away with wearing robes in public in the Muggle World unless you want to be laughed at, even if it's the oldest form of clothing there was after the loincloth. It tends to, like capes, make one look badass, but it's really not practical for combat. It is also not shown to backfire as a clothing choice."

"…Well shit." George opined.

"The next few questions all come out negative though, because you're not impervious to any of the normal limitations or weaknesses of humans, right, Harry? You also do not belong to some unusual or exotic race with powers beyond the most common race in the story i.e. wizards, yeah? Nor are you a cross-breed or hybrid of any kind?"

"Does Mum being Muggleborn count?"

"Obviously not… so, are you a species… we already answered no to the last questions, so gross behaviour that other characters don't find gross is obviously not there." Hermione continued. "Do you become a genetically, cybernetically, scientifically or magically enhanced being, possibly with new powers? I don't think so, so we can ignore all these sub-points. Do you think of your character as a role model?"

"Obviously I wrote Harry intending him to be a role model in terms of being the Mr. Nice Guy that gets easily exploited by the evil control freaks of the world because he's too focused on wanting to be normal to stop them, unlike our real Harry who had the balls to stand with me in our Red Revolution." Harmony answered. "So yes for that one."

"You'll love this one then, Harmony." Hermione grinned. "No, wait, these ones."

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><p><strong>24. Does your character voice political, social andor religious opinions or beliefs which you share?  
><strong>**a) Do they convince others that their way of thinking is right?  
><strong>**b) Is spreading these views one of the character's main motivations, or even sole motivation?  
><strong>**c) If religious, do they explicitly get divine support in gaining converts or confronting nonbelievers?  
><strong>**d) Do characters who disagree with your character's views/beliefs simply do so out of spite, stubbornness and/or ignorance?  
><strong>**e) Does anyone who doesn't adopt said views by the end of the story end up beaten up, humiliated, miserable and/or dead?**

**25. Does your character express unusually "free", "enlightened" or "liberated" views on topics such as sex or equality for their time/place?  
><strong>**a) And does no one frown upon their views?  
><strong>**b) Or do only characters who don't matter approve, e.g. the villain, the village idiot, fusty old grandpa, etc.?**

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><p>"Anyone else think Jesus in the New Testament sounds like a Mary Sue?" Harmony asked the assembled crowd.<p>

"Obviously it was written to be that way." Hermione shot down her diversion "24 is true, 24A is true, D and E are true as well I believe. 25 and 25B are 'Somewhat' and true respectively. Now, we're about a quarter of the way through the number of questions we need to check against Harry, and we have three 'Vaguely', three 'Somewhat', and sixteen 'Yes'."

Harry shrugged "Well, I'm fucked, but I'm not surprised given how badly Harmony wrote those books."

Said woman stuck her tongue out at him "No going out in public for you, Harry, unless you want a mob of paparazzi even in the Muggle world."

"If I was really as Mary Sue as I suspect this thing will test me as, I'd be crying… what do you call them? Anime tears? I'd be crying those by this point or something."

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><p>AN: This fic will likely be split into 5 parts, concerning the nature of Harry Potter as a gross Mary Sue/Gary Stu. I would like readers to consider the overabundance of Harry-as-creature fics on this site, and how they go even further, needlessly, to make Harry even more of a Stu.

REVIEW!


	2. Forward Unto Sue

A/N: At the end of Chapter 1, we had 3 'Vaguely', 3 'Somewhat', and 16 'Yes' for Harry.

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><p>Chapter 2: Forward Unto Sue<p>

"What score do we need to get a hopelessly bad Sue?" Luna asked as they took a brief break for some drinks. "Barring misreading of the instructions?"

"50-plus is hopeless, however 30-plus is dangerously high already." Hermione answered as she poured some more water for herself.

Harmony was busy looking at the computer screen scrolling down through the list of stuff "Well, I'm glad I'm not being critiqued here, because depending on if you treat me as original fiction or fan fiction, I'd either be in grave danger or be an absolute Sue… if I'm considered a fan fic character it will almost completely be because I'm related to you and get into the same shenanigans as a result… and because I've had to help Harry salvage his ass out of the fire quite often, assuming I'm not the one dragging him in to get our asses completely kicked in the first place. Hang on, I'm going to test myself as an original fiction character, can you guys wait for about five to ten minutes?"

"I think we can do that." Fred looked over at George, who shrugged, then Ron, who mimicked his older brother.

"Wow, if I wasn't being rated as a fan fiction character I'd only score…" Her eyebrows rose when she saw the total number displayed at the bottom of the page. "Four points? WHAT THE HELL?"

Hermione took a good look over her older twin's considerably broader shoulder (speccing as Combat Form versus her Hatchery Form led to an overall more thickset build) "You clicked too many De-Suifiers, Harmony."

"Calling fire support from our firebase near Hogwarts counts as having a problem I can't make go away on my own and giving up either without trying or after failing, I'd think."

"Overweight?"

"Too much muscle, Hermione."

"That's bullshit and you know it."

"Well before I got started on the de-Suifiers I scored twenty-nine, just saying."

"Whatever… I have no doubt that due to you being my monstrously overprotective—" Blood, screaming, the furious roars of outrage as Harmony sank whatever weapon she was wielding into the threats' flesh over and over again, and the final quiet, interspersed only by the squelching of parting flesh and crunching of shattering bones and shouts of "GET UP SO I CAN KILL YOU AGAIN"... All these and more stampeded through Hermione's mind again before they were repressed under the paper-thin veneer labelled "overprotectiveness" "—older twin and being with us through our adventures you'd have over fifty points if you took the fan fiction section instead." Hermione said.

"Can we get on with crucifying me already? We can hammer out your issues later, Harmony." Harry waved his hand between their faces and the screen.

"Alright then… twenty-six is…"

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><p><strong>26. Does your character openly call anyone else incapable, incompetent, foolish, etc., but the characters referred to as such do NOT find your character's behaviour insulting, hurtful, rude, belittling, condescending or insubordinate and behave accordingly?<br>****a) Do all of the insulted character's friends fail to get angry at your character's behaviour, despite knowing their friend was insulted?  
><strong>**b) If any of the character's friends DO get angry, is their anger shown as completely unjustified?  
><strong>**c) Is the insulted person the type who'd never let that kind of behaviour slide with anyone else?**

**27. If your character has a short temper, sharp wit, snarky attitude, or is otherwise prone to verbal assaults, are the tongue-lashings and/or snarkings they give to others always deserved and/or justified?**

**28. If your character is openly defiant or disrespectful toward authority figures, is your character always justified and in the right?**

**29. Are any other actions that get your character into trouble with authority always justified from your point of view?**

**30. Do authority figures punish your character more harshly than they would have punished their peers under the same circumstances?**

**31. Do authority figures NOT punish your character when they probably would have punished their peers under the same circumstances?**

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><p>"I don't think even Dumbledore ever brushed off my accusations in the books just like that. He at least pretended it stung, manipulative, delusional old goat…" Harry growled. Dumbledore might have only had the best intentions, but, well… they didn't tend to work out that well because he was too much of a control freak and didn't know when to let things be. More importantly, that would have been remedied if not for how he failed at explaining enough that people even after getting over the blind obedience stage would still be happy doing his bidding. That was his most important failing. "Question 28 is also a no because I often lash out at you guys in the books for no apparent reason except Voldy-induced irritability. Twenty-nine to thirty-one are all definitely true though. The tally is…"<p>

"Three, three and twenty now."

"Next… easily provoked to violence… nah, not my thing, Harmony would have selected this one though, because it talks about only the deserving ones."

Harmony frowned "It's not my fault Pettigrew was a rapist who tried to grab the hem of my sister's robes in the Shrieking Shack, you know. I should have cut his hands off instead, but I didn't have tourniquets on hand and I wasn't sure if I could cast a fireball large enough to easily cauterize it, plus common SI Army procedure on captive rapists is to cut their balls off and usually their dicks too… I mean, it's true I went a bit overboard on him but hey… he committed that crime, got away with it, and tried to lay a finger on my genetic clone… he was lucky I didn't think a corpse would be enough evidence of him being among the living until that day."

"That's what I mean about the deserving ones, Miss Sue." Harry grinned.

"Shut up, it's called excessive laziness. Anyhow… This next one—Yes, Hermione?

"Since when were you as bad at changing the topic as Ron used to be?" The Weasleys present all raised their eyebrows, at the last three words.

"…Is about breaking the Rules of the universe, i.e. joining the Order of the Phoenix too young. I'd say Yes for all of us in this case. However, none of us would have particular psychological disorders, as per question 34."

Ginny was astonished by this claim, because she was pretty sure Harmony was nuttier than a squirrel in a bin of peanuts dusted with cocaine… an occasionally rabid squirrel. "You… let me see that…"

* * *

><p><strong>34. Does your character have any psychological disorders or conditions for the following reasons?<br>a) any mental condition or psychological disorder that is used in a way to completely absolve or excuse your character acting in cruel, inconsiderate, injurious or hurtful ways so nobody (including the audience) supposedly has any legitimate right to feel angry or hurt over what happened, and no real effort is ever made to prevent the character from doing the same thing again?  
><strong>**b) any ****mental condition or psychological disorder that is used to excuse or explain the character acting out and doing "cool" or "edgy" things you think would be fun/awesome or fantasize about doing?**

* * *

><p>"Well, you've certainly rarely tried to excuse yourself to the injured party." <em>On second thought… never is more like it… unless it was an accident.<em> "And we could manage to prevent you from killing threats if they weren't as dangerous as they used to be once you were ready to kill them." Harry said, thinking of… well, see below.

"Yes, and how well did that work with Lockhart, Harry? Fred spent a year and a half in rehab slowly absorbing George's memories before his own completely came back. You were the one that stopped me from killing him in what we could have claimed to be self-defence back in the tunnel to the Chamber of Secrets."

"Well, he wasn't a danger anymore at the time…"

Harmony's teeth ground together "Because I listened to you Fred lost a year and a half of his life and probably would have lost far more if Molly hadn't nailed Lockhart in the head with a Bombarda."

"How was I supposed to know St. Mungo's didn't take measures against convicts or other known criminals escaping after pleading insanity?"

"Typical pureblood wizards then in charge of that place… common sense… really, Harry, you'd think you didn't have any either, the way you're talking."

Harry banged his head on the table several times, before muttering into the varnished wood "You are talking to a guy who was only about half as stupid in reality as he was in your accursed books. Common, or any other type, of sense was not applicable to me even in real life as a result, in case you hadn't realized."

Hermione patted his head "…True enough. Anyhow, it WAS pretty sad how we could literally get away with murder just because of Dumbledore's influence and our powerful family backgrounds… and then, of course, there was the war. So, none of us had mental conditions, really, except terminal and monumental stupidity."

"Yeah, like when my underlings were astonished I was yelling at them 'don't attack it!' when Hedwig came over to express her supreme displeasure at me killing her, a bird of prey, off in the seventh book inside a fucking CAGE, since she could fly along just fine and be safer doing it too. If not for my family's healing you could probably still see the scars."

"I can still see some." Ginny noted.

"Yeah, because you're about ten centimeters from my face right now?"

"True."

"Hedwig's smart enough to only aim for my cheeks, which was nice since if she got too close to my eyes I would have stopped her… I mean a grab and hold, Harry, not my usual idea of stopping a threat!" She added at Harry's alarmed expression. "Hermione, continue with the test?"

* * *

><p><strong>35. Is your character driven mainly by completely-justified revenge?<strong>

**36. Was your character an important and/or famous person in a past life?**

**37. Are animals instinctively attracted to your character?**

**38. How many animal companions does your character keep? Ordinary, non-magical pets like cats or dogs, or any pet considered ordinary within the canon such as an owl in Harry Potter or non-legendary Pokémon in Pokémon do not count.  
>a) Is said animal a wolf, bird of prey, big cat, or mythical creature?<strong>

* * *

><p>"I'm glad Fawkes never really started following me around after the War." Harry stated "On the other hand, Crookshanks should count as a VERY big cat for you two."<p>

"He stands as high as your knee at the shoulder, so… yeah he's huge for a cat." Hermione agreed. "But that's only for me, and I don't think any of these four apply to you though, Harry, unless you can remember a pre-incarnation you'd like to tell us about?"

"Pah, if I'd remembered one I'd probably be far more hard-core and Ginny's campaigning might even have pushed Pirate-shipping to victory if not for Harmony stepping up her resistance to the idea." Harry grinned as they joked about it.

"Our moral compasses ARE too different, yeah?" Harmony shared a fist-bump with Harry.

Ginny agreed with this assessment "Yeah, and if he'd re-spawned with any memory of being of any significance in some past life, they would not have clashed so badly." It wasn't like she didn't love Harry, she did, but back then she'd thought Harmony would be a far better match since it would teach Harry that trying to sink into mediocrity by inaction was pointless, and he'd be a good counterweight to her frequent outbursts of extremism. Now, she no longer believed this, due to having probably the most knowledge of all present but Harmony herself as to what said brunette's role as leader of the Global Liberation Army in the Sixth World War, from 2001 to 2005, had been like.

"I'm feeling quite unwanted by my wife." Harry said to said wife's three present brothers with a grin. The admittedly not very rough noogie that followed from said wife indicated he'd inherited at least some of his father's legendary masochism. Telling Harry this was not recommended though, for he'd been scarred for life once when he walked in on his saved-by-time-travel-bullshit parents at, uh, "play".

Many things throughout history need not be true, merely perceived by historians as such, and if appropriate evidence could be fabricated, last minute switches and introducing the back of Voldemort's head to the lovely concept of an instant autopsy aka shotgun could work. Honestly, it had been a bigger pain to reverse the repeated Splinchings or other unpleasant incidents that occurred when the recently rescued and barely healed parents tried to go take their son back whenever Harmony or Kane weren't keeping an eye on them. In other words, just for that one (admittedly enormous) revelation alone, Ginny had thrown down the gauntlet and declared before the entire school (you'd be amazed how much sheeple followed the lives of the icons of their school) that Pirate-shipping reigned supreme before Harmony went flat-out "I reject your reality and substitute my own" mode AGAIN (again since she'd fucked history over several times, minus the time travel in this case).

* * *

><p><strong>39. Does your character habitually share profound wisdom and knowledge?<strong>

**40. Does your character always have money to spend on extravagant frivolities or whatever they really want or need at the time?  
>a) For no apparent reason? (E.g. your character never works or gives any clue to any source of income.)<strong>

* * *

><p>"I think question thirty-nine is appropriate for Harmony or Hermione, but not Harry." Luna said. "Question forty is the same, though forty-A is not applicable to any of us. Forty-one…" she looked up at the projection screen Hermione had pulled up during their break. "Gifts? People don't give Harry gifts randomly, so I don't think any of those points really apply to him, nor any of us, really…"<p>

"Do prank items count?" George asked suddenly.

Luna's facepalm variant used someone else's face and her palm unlike most people. "No. Stop."

"MMMMMPPPHHHHH, MMPPPHHH!"

"I think he said 'alright, alright'." Fred translated. To be honest, even he himself wasn't _completely_ sure if he was Fred or George, since the twins had played the trick for so long that they'd come to align themselves with both names. However, he was pretty sure he was Fred, since buying his wand differentiated him from George… Still, there was a possibility that he had been born as George Weasley… "Hey wait, what about Harry's broom in First Year?"

"That was hardly random, McGonagall was desperate to win and had a bet going with James Potter from the party after Harry was born that if Harry managed to make the team in his first year she'd buy him a top-of-the-line broom." Harmony dismissed. Harry had already stuck his fingers in his ears and squeezed his eyes shut to not read any lips by accident after she said it was THAT party.

"Weren't the Potters wealthy though?" Luna asked.

Ginny held up a hand to stop Harmony from speaking, having heard of this from Lily to embarrass/tease Harry with (alcohol also very involved here) "James was citing something about Lily's incredibly money management skills. I believe the exact quote when he was horrendously drunk was 'tighter than her pussy, even'. I also believe her reply was to throw him over her shoulder and loudly exclaim something about 'let's test if it's tighter than your ass then' before asking Sirius to teleport them out. He came back ghostly pale and shuddering, according to the story."

Hermione read on once they all finished laughing and Harry finished extracting his fingers from his ears.

* * *

><p><strong>42. Did you choose your character's occupation andor hobbies because you think they sound neat, glamorous, prestigious and/or exciting?**

**43. Does your character share your favourite types of movies, music, clothes, hobbies, etc.?  
>a) Even though they're from a culture that has their own entertainment and such already?<strong>

**44. Is your character some form of genius, prodigy, and/or is unusually accomplished for their age, time period, place, occupation and/or social status?  
>a) In something that is extremely usefuldesirable in the story's universe?  
>b) In something that is extremely difficult for ANYONE to achieve?<br>c) Is your character unusually accomplished in more than one area?**

* * *

><p>"If I was a Muggle author number forty-two is a HELL YES. Quidditch? Auror duty? HAH!" Harmony smacked her knee with a sneer at how bad it would have been had her books actually been fiction by a Muggle author. She didn't find the term Muggle offensive, as it denoted being mostly better at something other than Psionics, namely logic and invention. "Forty-three is false, 44 is true, and so are points A, B and C under it, since Harry's great at Defence Against the Dark Arts and also pretty decent at Charms."<p>

Harry frowned "Charms? Since when?"

"You learnt the Summoning Charm from scratch in how long under me?" Hermione looked pointedly at him over her laptop lid/screen. "Never mind your ridiculous luck in bad situations in the books."

"Like our little Ministry expedition when you killed Sirius off for good in the fifth book?" Inwardly, Harry was thinking _Thank goodness portals are among the most overpowered tools ever… and time only requires people believe something is true and that it does not interfere in history after the moment it is supposedly removed until after the point at which the person built the portal knew the non-interference lasted until._

"Well, it turned out to all work out, mostly, in the end, which is way better than it should have." It should have ended, in the books, with way more long-term casualties on their side. In reality, they had functionally had to pull a coup when Fudge got angry about the dozen-plus hole-ridden corpses plus unidentifiable scraps that were what remained of many "respectable" purebloods. Fortunately the guy who replaced him, Scrimgeour, wasn't dumb enough to try pressing things.

"I'd say put 44C down as a Vaguely." Harry said, and most of those present shrugged agreement.

"So that's four, three and twenty-four for Vaguely, Somewhat and Yes respectively…"

Harry pretended not to sense the grins pointed at the back of his head and said loudly "Question forty-five…"

* * *

><p><strong>45. Does your character pick up new skills andor gain ranks unusually fast during the course of the story?  
><strong>**a) To the point where they learn skills that usually take years to master in a matter of weeks or months?**

**46. Is your character simply THE best or among the best among their peer group? One box for each.  
>a) Are they famous or renowned for any of these?<br>b) Are other characters extremely impressed or astonished at your character's skills/virtues, unless impressed out of their own inexperience?  
>c) Do they impress even the most cynical, jaded, exacting andor experienced?  
>d) Does your character modestly dismiss or deflect well-earned compliments?<strong>

* * *

><p>"If I wasn't tired of laughing for now, I would laugh." Luna pointed out.<p>

"Tired of laughing?" George asked incredulously.

"How is that even possible?" Obviously, Fred.

Luna blinked at their expressions "I'd ask how your bulging eyes are possible instead. Try to stop before they pop out and we have to rush you to Mungo's, will you?"

"Well, I did learn the Patronus Charm way too fast, and learnt it in months when it should have taken years…" Harry said glumly. "And I am THE best or among the best among our peers at Defence Against the Dark Arts and Quidditch, unless you count fighting Dark Wizards as an item. I'm famous for fighting the Dark Side, and I very much impressed even the most experienced at the OWL exams. I don't think I dismiss or deflect earned compliments though."

"I've heard you dismiss a few when you thought they were still just being rabid fans." Harmony pointed out.

"That's at most a 'Somewhat', Harmony." Hermione said.

She sighed and ruffled the under-ten-minutes-younger brunette's hair "True. Four, four and thirty now…"

Harmony had focused on something else by now "Does your character have Barbie Doll Syndrome? What's that?"

"Apparently it's being in the center of every single event in their surroundings, giving them the main title no matter how unrelated the main titles are…" Hermione read.

"I don't think that's really one of Harry's issues, but you guys WERE nosy as all hell and did tend to get into all sorts of things." George frowned.

"Including funding us with the Triwizard gold."

"I think it would be too much of a stretch, boys. Now…" Ginny chuckled at the next question "This next one's about musical aptitude. I think Harry's voice is pretty average, but I don't think it was even mentioned in the books though."

"Mine was good though." Harmony grinned.

"Yes, good enough to sing to Fluffy back in First Year. He'd accept just about anything that has a steady rhythm to it. It was at best pretty average, sis. You're only able to hold a tune, not charm anyone with it." Hermione shot her down.

* * *

><p><strong>49. Does your character have any sort of power or ability that is unprecedented or unheard of among the people they usually associate with? If the ability is spoken of in old legends or unsubstantiated rumours, it still counts.<strong>

**a) Does your character have no enemies or opponents with any real ability to genuinely match, rival, or defend against your character's power/ability somehow?  
>b) Does your character have the ability to save others from mortal injury andor death?**

**50. Does your character have special abilities that allow them to…  
>a) Read almost anyone's thoughtsmemories instantly and with ease, with few to no limitations or chances of backfiring?  
>b) Easily control another person, with little to no possibility of resistance from the target?<br>c) See or "just know" things without actually being there, with few to no limitations, chances of backfiring, or possibility of being blocked or discovered?  
>d) Easily "purify" or "cleanse" someone of long-running anger, hate, selfishness, "evil", "darkness", etc. That came about naturally i.e. through poor choices, bad influences, and embittering experiences, rather than magically or mythically?<strong>

* * *

><p>"Well, you don't exactly have Hagrid's durability…" Luna said. Half-giants arose because of giants in human guise not having perfected their disguises before copulating. You didn't think any but the smallest-dicked giant could fit inside even the loosest human woman, did you, or that even the largest human penis could satisfy a giantess? On the other hand, if the human disguise hadn't been perfected, it might not have reformatted the germ line (i.e. spermeggs) in the disguise compared to the original. Since Giants had genes for thicker, stronger bones, reinforced blood vessels and cardiac strength, as well as somewhat improved muscular strength, the gigantism that came from such a mating wasn't extremely dangerous to the health of half-giants. On the other hand, laughter due to being invited to play The Hulk in Hollywood movies (Hagrid was very thickly muscled…) was a credible threat to their health, if it distracted them during something important.

"But he does have the 'surviving the Avada Kedavra' thing, and it couldn't really be countered effectively by Voldy early on…" Ginny suggested.

"So mark down two under 'Vaguely'?" Fred glanced over at Hermione, who added said two lines to her tally.

"Well, guess number fifty is a write-off, and that's true for ANY of us, even I could only slip into Harry's mind because it trusted me enough… even Hermione usually doesn't let me in so easily, and anyone else was impossible." Harmony said. "Six, four and thirty now…"

* * *

><p><strong>51. Does your character have a telepathicempathic connection or the ability to communicate with any kind of animal?  
>a) Anything such as horses, wolves, big cats, or mythical creatures? Bonded creatures do not count, if it is perfectly normal in this universe and it is your character's one and ONLY bonded creature.<strong>

**52. Does your character have the ability to shapeshift?  
>a) Into multiple forms?<br>b) And can they use these forms perfectly at first go without any practice or study whatsoever?**

**53. Does your character possess power that can take out entire cities/legions of soldiers/general all-around-evil?**

**54. Does your character end up in a tight spot and discover that they have really cool, yet completely un-foreshadowed powers that were dormant and/or unknown before?**** (****Does not count if this is used as a device to set up the story.)**

**55. Does your character have any other relatively unique special powers/abilities that come in handy?**

* * *

><p>"I don't communicate with anything but Hedwig, but most wizards are able to communicate somewhat with magical animals, right?" Harry said, to a round of nods. "I can't shape-shift… and you can argue that any Magical has the power to take out cities, legions of hostiles, and general all-round-evil, if they actually would be bothered to try." He braced for the arguments for the last two points.<p>

"I'm thinking your psionic burning damage to Quirrell in first year counts as a relatively unique special power/ability that came in handy and was completely un-foreshadowed." Hermione said.

"And being able to summon Gryffindor's Sword? Even in reality you have the ability of being able to drag Harmony along on our adventures, and that's been superbly useful." Ron said. "You have a bunch of relatively unique special powers or abilities that came in handy, Harry, maybe not even counting your Patronus and mad broomstick skills. Oh, by the way, your Patronus is RIDICULOUSLY strong given how you remembered your childhood… if what Harmony planted in your head as memories even counted as a childhood. From what you two have told us, it didn't."

That had been another example of history not needing to be a certain way, only thought of and believed to be such. After all, the snobbish, arrogant neo-Nazis living on Privet Drive would have reported to police when they saw suspected child abuse, because to them family DID come first. Even with memory charm abuse the police would still have found the event problematic due to electronic records, and then the entire Wizarding World would get screwed over, hard. Hell, if not for successfully dismissing the flying car video as a hoax in 1992, the secret may well already have been blown open.

Harry shrugged "I think that's a 'Yes' and a 'Somewhat', then. Six, five and thirty-one?"

"Yep. So, how are we weighing the 'Vaguely' and 'Somewhat' votes?" Hermione asked suddenly.

"I don't know… I'd say half weight for a 'Vaguely' and three-quarters for a 'Somewhat'?" Luna ventured. Most of the people around the table shrugged or did not react at all. "Okay then."

"Wait, aren't we forgetting something here?" George suddenly asked. "PARSELTONGUE?"

There was a momentary quiet, before Harmony's (considerably blunter than her twin's diction) "Well shit. And mythical creatures too if you consider the Basilisk speaks the same language."

"I'd say the mythical creatures is at best a 'Somewhat', Harmony, as it's only one mythical creature and one which WAS a snake." Harry protested. "And of course we're not counting my use of Gillyweed as anyone with enough magical power can use that to 'shape-shift'."

"Fine, so six, six and thirty-two now." Hermione updated the tally. "Oh, you'd love this one, Harry…"

"Oh really?" If anyone reading a transcript of the conversation could not sense the sarcasm herein, they needed to reinstall their intelligence.

* * *

><p><strong>56. Not counting their first language, how many languages does your character fluently speak? Check one box per language.<strong>

**57. Does your character succeed at virtually everything they try?**

**58. Do the first plans, strategies, ideas, etc. your character comes up with always (or nearly always) work?  
>a) But only after everyone else dismisses it and tries everything else first?<strong>

**59. If/when your character DOES make any major mistakes, are they quickly and easily forgiven with no real consequences for the character?  
>a) Did these mistakes ever result in important property or items being seriously endangered, damaged or destroyed?<br>b) Did these mistakes ever result in people being seriously endangered or injured?  
>c) Did these mistakes ever result in anyone dying?<strong>

* * *

><p>"Parseltongue?"<p>

Ron grimaced back. "Parseltongue."

Harry sighed. "Well, at least I don't succeed at everything I try, see Divination for example. And my first plans don't always work out either." He looked up at his second best friend (Ginny as wife reserved the top spot) and grinned "You on the other hand, Harmony…"

"My first plan to dealing with basically any problem is 'bigger stick' and, well, I'm pretty sure there is no problem yet known that cannot be solved by excess firepower. Whoever said that violence never solved anything is the biggest troll ever." She said this with absolute seriousness, and, well, with the decisive results from the Second Voldemort War, there wasn't much room for argument.

"Well, I suppose having a relatively foolproof way as your basic approach still means you'd have gotten the point there, Harmony, if we were to test you. Question fifty-nine on the other hand… First Year, Harry, means this is four Yes's, because we did end up screwing up by heading down there. Voldemort had too much of a one-track mind to think of wanting to find the Stone instead of using it, at least before Dumbledore finished with his scenic route to the Ministry." Hermione said. The goddamned ward update day at said Ministry had resulted in him needing to take longer than simple Floo… "Six, six and thirty-seven now."

"Hey, how would Harmony do on the mistakes question?" Fred asked.

Hermione scowled "I don't think she has any marked as 'Yes' in that one. Ron had an aversion to me for years after what she did to Pettigrew, so lack of forgiveness is obvious."

"I repeat that confessed rapists trying to grab the hem of my sister's robes constitute a clear case of familial/self-defence." Harmony said, annoyed that Hermione STILL found that a big deal. So what if she'd pinned the shit-stain to the bed in the Shrieking Shack and then proceeded to crush one testicle in her fist while the cord was still attached to him and thus he could feel it, while slicing the other one with her knife like pepperonis and sticking the slices to Pettigrew's face? The rat deserved far worse in her opinion than the death he'd gotten later on for his part in the First Voldemort War alone. Then again perhaps carrying her knife everywhere with her was another trademark of Sues, because it wasn't really a modern weapon. The only reason she did so was that it was the first weapon she'd ever killed a person with. Hacking a man's throat open face-to-face at less than arm's reach with a backhand slash, spilling blood all over oneself for the first time, was something to never forget after all. It was probably the most up close and personal way to kill someone possible short of raping them to death or cutting a hole large enough to stick her hand in and tear pieces out until they died. Still the knife had come in useful in a few close-range brawls where manoeuvring a gun or wand for a shot would have given the opponent too many openings.

While she was busy thinking on her own Sue-ness—and she had no doubt whatsoever that had she been doing the math as a fan fiction character she would have been a hopeless Sue, largely as being Hermione's protective, gun-nut older twin kind of demanded it—the conversation had already moved on.

* * *

><p><strong>60. Does your character ever single-handedly take out more armed forces (e.g. security guards, soldiers, etc.) than you can count on one hand using their awesome kickass skills in one go?<strong>

**61. Is anyone envious of your character's talents and/or abilities?  
>a) Because they beat them at their own gamegames?**

**62. Does your character alone use a weapon that:  
>a) Is famous or legendary before they acquire it?<br>b) Was given by some spirit/magical being?  
>c) Is Magical?<br>d) Is unusually ornate?  
>e) Is from a different culture or country than your character?<br>f) Do you often mention how special/significant this weapon is?**

* * *

><p>"Who here thinks two hundred Dementors at the end of Third Year counts as security guards i.e. armed forces and a SINGLE Patronus counts as awesome kickass skills?" Ron said loudly, raising his hand. Even Harry raised a hand at this, before Ron continued "And Draco Malfoy's jealousy over Harry's mad Seeker skills? Even Harmony wasn't that bad about it. Substituting for Alicia in that game in Third Year—" one did not just grab someone's head in mid-air and not at LEAST sprain said someone's neck…<p>

"Which game was this?" Luna asked, having forgotten.

"Gryffindor versus Slytherin, our third year, your second." Harry answered "Some ass whose name I forget grabbed Alicia's head in a face-to-face joust and made her do a vertical loop to not break her neck. Then Harmony volunteered as a substitute as no one else felt like it… she was no Chaser, she was a battering ram. No finesse at all. To her, thrusting both arms forward to score wasn't an issue so long as the ball went through the hoop earlier than her other fist met the Slytherin Keeper's face. The only reason we managed to get enough of a lead to win was because Wood was a better keeper, as Ron said, given how she'd get an average of more than one penalty per goal scored."

"Hey, I knew that all along and was planning based on it!" Said woman protested.

"You just keep telling yourself that, sis." Hermione waved her off. "We all knew you were out to damage and over time disable as much of the Slytherin Team as you could."

"Hermione, you shouldn't be so rude to your sister." Ginny reprimanded, though, well, it was true. "It was a valid strategy since Quidditch didn't have red cards back then."

"Might I point out that Harmony was superior to us at our sport, and we were jealous because of it for some time?" Fred put in his Knut.

"What sport was this?" Luna asked first, while the others were wondering, save one particular brunette who was facepalming and sighing

"Punishing the tar out of Pureblood bigots." George said. "We were jealous of how she just kept on punishing them, until we really began to understand that she had to kill enough of them to bathe in their blood for a week." That had been a most unpleasant revelation. Almost as unpleasant as when they'd learnt their mother had single-handed taken out the hideout of four of the men originally involved in attacking their maternal uncles and pureed them before leaving the site while Dolohov was out.

As a side note about Molly Weasley, Hermione let her husband get away with an apparently lame name like Hugo for their young son because it was Molly's middle name, and she was proud her husband honoured his parents appropriately. Why was she Molly Hugo Prewett (other than Molly's maternal grandfather's name)? Because when she was born, the Prewett family had a record of several generations without any daughters, and her father had sleepily been filling the paperwork as she was being born (a man can only stay awake for so long on coffee, since he knew the dangers of overuse of energy charms). He didn't quite catch the "It's a girl!" until his wife looked at the Birth Certificate and hit him over the head while he was staring at the bundle of pink blankets. Since the ink he'd used had been magically infused and thus changing it would cost a lot of unnecessary Galleons, well… he'd had to add something to the front in a real hurry. As another side note, Molly didn't look remotely close to old, unlike the actress they got for her in the movies based on Harmony's strongly revised memoirs i.e. the Harry Potter books. So, the way "Mollywobbles" referred to the jiggling of what Molly had always found to be irritatingly large breasts was not nearly as GREAT BRITISH SCREAM MACHINE as it could have been.

Psionic races in general lived longer than non-psionic relatives, which made Molly look still rather young. McGonagall for example was also not nearly as aged or wrinkled as the actress they'd had play her, though she'd barely decided against finding the casting control for the movies and strangling them with her bare hands when she'd watched the movies. The glamour she'd often held up during the school year to appear wiser i.e. considerably older-looking to the younger students had been taken as literal by the director, much to her displeasure. But that wasn't the point.

In Muggle medicine, it was observed that one could think themselves into getting a cold. This was psionic power acting up. It should therefore be no surprise that as psionic creatures slept their psionic presences, souls if you wanted to be theological, would scan their bodies and repair minor problems as they saw them. Few psi-capable races could heal major wounds very quickly, but all could fix minor tumours and lesions before they became problems. In fact, they could even somewhat screen for defective proteins and thus screen out many potential future health problems too. It was one of the reasons why inbreeding in Purebloods hadn't produced a horrifically high rate of severe, recessive genetic illness beyond stupidity, which was so polygenic that it slipped under the radar so to speak, not like cystic fibrosis or hemophilia. On the other hand, they'd been in large part at the inbreeding for so long that, well, even an immensely polygenic trait with thousands of participating genes could generate people like Crabbe or Goyle.

Oh, right, any online team game player will tell you that you didn't need inbreeding at all to generate "people" (a term used loosely here, as sheeple is a more politically correct term to avoid insulting all persons in existence) with that level of, um, intelligence.

All these side notes however only distracts from the truly unpleasant point, question sixty-two. "Harry?"

"Yes?"

"Gryffindor's Sword, repeated four times, with a 'Somewhat' for the last point?" Ron said.

"Neville used it later, you know." Harry protested the whole question.

"Yes, as if that wasn't practically totally random and as if Hermione, Ron or Ginny could not have done the same with a bit less drama and a bit more 'FUCK YOU VOLDY'." Luna said, not that she was belittling her husband, but, well… it was true.

Hermione was focused on something else, something that rather ensured that the rest of the room knew that she wasn't just an illusion placed there by Harmony or something similarly insane. "Where did you learn that language?"

"Mom."

Hermione looked understanding, since at least it wasn't her slightly more pragmatic… um, no, what was the word? Oh yes, EVIL twin. "Ah… having to leave her family for nearly ten years would make even a fairy foul-mouthed."

"I'm not quite sure it counts as me alone using it, though…"

"Harry, right up until the last, what, fifty pages of the last book, you were the only one that used it. It DEFINITELY came from a magical source, and is obscenely ornate." Harmony pointed out, leaving out the fact that she'd built a sword based on her memory of that blade back during her long-ass Philosopher's-Stone-sustained i.e. nanotechnology-assisted-survival time travel jaunt, then sold it off to some young wizard in a British pub because she got tired of wearing it. The next time in history she'd seen that sword had been when she got news through Ancestor Kane's surveillance network (he was babysitting humanity after all) a brief number of years later that they'd started building Hogwarts and headed over to see if she could lend a hand. She'd punched herself in the face seeing who exactly had bought the thing that she'd made on what she'd originally thought was a whim but was in fact the inevitable and invincible footsteps of history itself.

"Fine…"

"So that's six, seven and forty-four." Hermione stated. "I'm sorry Harry, but the raw score so far already puts you down as an incurable Sue, even if we weigh the first two categories as one-third and two-thirds respectively."

"How many questions was this again?" George asked.

"Ninety-eight for all characters, three more for original fiction, then twenty-eight 'de-Suifier' questions."

"Muh feelz, brah." Fred patted Harry on the shoulder.

"Since when did you learn Muggle internet slang?"

"Since Harmony awakened us to the wonderful power of technology, obviously." George said, as if Ron was completely nuts.

* * *

><p>AN: I'd like to ask what you guys think of the concept, thanks. As in, more than one guy (thanks BTW)?

ANY MORE OPINIONS ON HARRY THE SUE/STU? HELLO? IS ANYONE OUT THERE?


	3. End of the Additions

A/N: About Harmony forging swords and other weapons for kicks, if you're going to be stuck in the past mostly on your own, though with an ancient supervising being who by the standards of the time might as well be a god, you get really, REALLY bored between spans of history you are interested in observing for yourself. Boredom leads to all sorts of things, including bar crawls and fulfilling the demands of history completely by "accident" i.e. "Because time demands it".

The Mary Sue Litmus Test webpage pisses me off SO BADLY with how I can't copy-paste from it…. Or is that just Google Chrome? Well, I can make the questions less long-winded for you guys I suppose.

6, 7 and 44 at present tally…

* * *

><p>Chapter 3: End of the Additions<p>

"So, sixty-three… does your character use a bladed weapon in a relatively modern setting for no logical reason? I hope Gryffindor's Sword in Second Year doesn't count." Harry looked around at the group.

"Technically, just because everyone around you insists on medieval technology does not mean you need to follow along. However, I'd agree with you since, in the books, it was the only weapon you had on hand at the time and you were desperate. Still, it was ridiculous since enemies do not abruptly stop when killed unlike in cartoons or anime. Given the mass and speed of the Basilisk—and that bit of physics is conserved because you can toss snowballs on Hogwarts grounds—unless you stuck your arms out sideways and braced the Sword on the wall or column, you should have been wall pizza from the Basilisk's head ramming straight into the solid object. Also, the Sword was not NEARLY long enough to stick into the Basilisk's brain if you were just at the wall like in the books. I made it so ridiculous to make sure readers didn't take it too seriously, though religious nuts are already berserk over the books 'glamourizing subjects that go against God'… I wish I'd gone back in time far enough to meet the psycho and/or megalomaniacal control freak who invented the idea of Hell, and then burn him for vengeance for everyone frightened and oppressed by the threat of flames." _The way Harry just wanted to have a quiet life i.e. be a follower/cannon fodder instead of reaching out and seizing his own fate was rather pathetic, but whatever, if Ginny's putting up and coddling him with it instead of educating him, that's her choice. It's kinder than I would have done… Happiness must be TAKEN, young ones. I hope you learn this sooner than when yours is taken from you…_

"You're going on another ideological diatribe." Hermione cut her sister off at a time where, if they were more animated, there would have been flames of fury erupting from Harmony's head.

"Sorry, I still haven't dropped the habit, though if I was presenting to an audience I knew included religious people, I'd have ranted about how god would naturally be benevolent enough to not do something that his subjects would find psychopathic if done by any of them. God is generous enough to stoop himself to the standards of humans so that we may begin to understand him, I'd probably say… After all, would you throw a puppy into a burning fireplace and lock the grate over it because it peed on the carpet too many times?"

"Unless there is Floo Powder involved, Harmony, can you stop the disturbing imagery?"

"Alright, Ginny…" _You'd rather not think about the bitterness of reality? I thought you were better than that, Ginny._ She cleared her throat before asking (Hermione hadn't started yet) "next question?"

* * *

><p><strong>64. Does your character just always happen to have on hand (or in pockets or in boots) whatever tools, gadgets or weapons are needed to get them out of most scrapes at any given time?<strong>

**65. Does your character possess a one-of-a-kind trinket or piece of jewelry that is magical and/or has some special significance?  
>a) Does this trinket protect your character from some weakness?<strong>

**66. Does your character have unfairly restrictive parents/guardians/overseers?  
>a) And does this fact have little or no impact on the main plot or your character's behaviour, but simply serve to give your character something to complain or angst about?<strong>

**67. Or do the parents/guardians/overseers let them do whatever they want and never really get in the way or ask too many questions?**

**68. Is your character nobility, royalty or comparable high status? Ignore this if the story focuses on royal types.**

**69. In any type of story:  
>a) Does your character discover that they are of royalnoble or equivalent status at any point in the story?  
>b) Are they adopted by anyone of such status?<br>c) Does either result in them becoming next in line for the throne or in line to inherit an estate?**

* * *

><p>"I say sixty-four is a 'Vaguely', because wands hold true for all of us." Ginny said. "So is sixty-five because Slytherin's locket, while magical, was only held by you briefly."<p>

"I think, Harry, that the book you is the first character I know who needs to check off both 66 and 67 here…" Hermione said slowly. "The Dursleys were beyond trash, though the janitorial methods were a bit too… gruesome. They were very unfairly restrictive, AND while you were at Hogwarts never got in the way, nor would they ask any questions."

"What about sixty-six A? They didn't seem to completely break Harry's trust in adults like they should have in the books, since he still sought help in First and Second years, nor did they turn him into a psycho." Fred and George asked, with much jumping between them. "Another Vaguely I guess?" There were nods.

"Alright, so I'm not of high status per se, though fanfiction writers make me obscenely so very often." Harry said. "But, well, I did vaguely get adopted by Sirius and inherited his estate… though I gave it back." _once you practically hauled him, my parents, and most of the Order members who were supposed to have died in the First Voldemort War out of your ass. It's almost unbelievable, your claim that the only thing preventing massive waves of temporal crime is the fact that if you had not already gone back you'd never think to do it…_

Hermione nodded "That's two 'Somewhat' then. This next one talks about being popular or positively renowned. I put down a Yes for it, so that's nine, nine and forty-seven, and the one after is about…"

* * *

><p><strong>71. Is your character undeservingly despisedoutcast by most people?  
><strong>**a) Because your character is unusually talented/attractive/rich?  
><strong>**b) Because of their skills or special powers?  
><strong>**c) Does something happen during the course of the story that makes the majority of characters genuinely sorry for mistreating your character?**

**72. Is your character some kind of "chosen one" and/or a major part of a prophecy?  
>a) Does the prophecy involve saving the worldrealm?  
>b) Does the prophecy involve becoming a great leader?<strong>

**73. Does your character consider their talents, special abilities or good looks to be a curse? A few moments or an episode of speculative, wishful thinking doesn't count. It must be a constant or near-constant thing.**

**74. Does your character manage to form a bond with a villain, and through this bond cause the villain to reform?  
>a) Does the villain revert back to his old ways, but retain some bit of goodness, caused by your character committing a selfless act of some kind?<strong>

* * *

><p>Harry groaned from where his face was buried in his hands and had been since Question seventy-one "Second Year AGAIN… how bad was your writing back then, huh Harmony?"<p>

"Hey, the basilisk fight was plenty dramatic even without me abusing your Invisibility Cloak to toss a satchel charge down its throat. I'm just glad that it couldn't see heat." Harmony barked back. "Yes to 71, 71B and 71C due to the Parseltongue uproar in Second Year, 72, 72A, 73, and 'Somewhat' for 74, because of Dumbledore's ridiculous placating at the end of Third Year with that Life Debt bullshit. You'd think that with that in play Pettigrew would have had his worthless hide saved by your father enough times in the war to not be able to move his jaw against James, but that was a lie. Pettigrew in the books just felt he might as well try to ingratiate himself to you just in case, since he was tired of the Cruciatus and was pretty sure that he'd be killed for incompetence on a whim. You on the other hand were such an imbecilic nice guy that you'd probably have let him live, and that snivelling worm would rather spend life in Azkaban than die, even if it was made Animagus-proof. He thought he could escape from the Death Eaters in the confusion of your escape, and discard his fake hand too by blasting it off just in case he could be tracked through it."

"Hypotheses aside, I think most of the fandom takes it seriously and thus I get the 'Somewhat', correct?" Harry cut her raging about Pettigrew off.

"…Yeah."

"Do we agree with the assessment about questions seventy-one and seventy-two?" Hermione asked, to a chorus of affirmatives, mostly due to the group getting a bit tired of this and nothing really interesting or stupidly hilarious happening for a brief while. "Then nine, ten and fifty-three it is."

* * *

><p><strong>75. Concerning your character's friends and acquaintances…<br>a) Is your character liked by nearly everyone they meet?  
>b) Do most or all of your character's friends and buddies lead glamorous, exciting andor interesting or highly dramatic lives?  
>c) Are most or all of their friends and buddies highly attractive by conventional standards?<br>d) When your character makes new friends, do they care about your character as much as or more than they care for friends they've had longer after knowing your character for only a short time (e.g. a few days or weeks).  
>e) Would any of them die for your character? (Unless we're dealing with those who'd die for just any casual acquaintance)<br>f) Even characters not known for their friendly, outgoing attitudes?  
>g) Does anyone normally shown as cold, callous or even cruel to others treat your character with warmth and kindness?<br>h) Do characters who criticize or DON'T like your character from the start like them by the end, or at least have a grudging respect?  
>i) Andor does anyone who criticizes or doesn't like your character end up getting beaten up, humiliated, miserable, and/or dead?  
>j) Are most if not all characters who don't like your character merely mean, spiteful, shallow, judgemental andor jealous?**

* * *

><p>"Is this question quite large enough that you guys are interested?" Hermione asked while Fred and George were snorting in derision at the question's points.<p>

"Colin Creevey is an extreme example, but most people do like Harry for supposedly saving them from the terrorists of the First Voldemort War… even though they were too lazy, cowardly and stupid to overthrow a government that wouldn't jail or better yet execute every accursed terrorist. Yes for this one." Luna said, trying out a word she recently learnt.

"Fortunately, in the movies and books, we aren't exactly all highly attractive." Ginny said, once she was sure Luna was done. For example, Cho Chang had helped them hold McGonagall back after she saw the actress they cast as her… then the Chinese girl joined the club that wanted to throttle the film studio members for picking such a, in her opinion, plain actress for her once she started getting shown in the films. Psionic-capable people were on average far more attractive than non-Psionics due to the ability to use Psi-mediated self-scanning/repair. However, they also tended to be monumentally arrogant, which was a major turn-off.

"And I guess I did care about Harry more than Neville after only a few days… Mum would visit Augusta once in a while because she was familiar with Neville's parents to a degree, so I kind of knew Neville already, but he was already quite timid and we didn't play together all that well." The fact that Harry was balls to the wall nuts and thus hilarious/exciting to be around was not said by Ron. "But it's not shown in the books so no points added there."

There was a brief silence, before Harry realized no one felt like being dumb enough to actually need to answer point E about friends willing to die for him, and so he led the skip to point F. "I would point out that Snape ended up dying for me in the books."

"I thought he died for his obsession with your mother and inability to let go?" Luna tilted her head.

"Fan opinion, Luna." Harry grumbled and muttered something else quietly that sounded like "Though I agree with you."

"Oh, well I guess you'd be more familiar than me with that…" She said airily.

"Marked down as a 'Somewhat'." Hermione stated boredly. This was taking so much longer than it would if she'd done it on her own, but, well, she'd thought Ginny would find it amusing, and Ron had called his brothers over to keep things alive, or try to. Even sobbing into each other's shoulders and bemoaning Ginny's being married off to a hopeless Mary Sue earlier once it had been reached by raw score had ceased to be amusing after about thirty seconds and they were now just sitting there listening, which was scary.

"Anyone cold, callous or even cruel to others treating you with warmth and kindness?" Fred asked.

"Us, Gred?"

"I figured, some of those pranks, looking back…" _A young Slytherin boy, trying to come over to a table with Gryffindors and Ravenclaws to talk about some books his house-mates didn't like. His chair was pulled out from under him as he was trying to sit and then he was shooed off by the Twins after they'd turned his clothes into red and blue fractal patterns… the same boy, glaring at the Gryffindor table a week later with the rest of his House as another argument sprang up between members of the two houses…_

_Three Ravenclaws trying to understand how pranking could be fun. They were hung by their feet from the chandelier in the Entrance Hall by a bribed poltergeist after noting that pranking wasn't so different in its intent from going around burning people's homes and families down who you had no reason to attack, that it was a question of feeling power over others… Granted, they were rude, but… there were others, when they thought back. So many others, so many callous, often even cruel moments…_

That had been the beginning of Fred and George turning from pranking others (except as revenge) toward opening a shop with what they thought of as relatively harmless trick items. But, as the Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder in Sixth Year had proved, well… "I know, Forge."

"You guys?"

"You must have been awfully oblivious to not notice how cruel some of our pranks were, Harry. I don't know why Dumbledore let us get away with that sort of thing…" George told him.

Fred grimaced "It only breeds the understanding that cruelty is encouraged and thus breeds more Dark Lords"

"Before we get too gloomy, let's move on. Most characters who didn't like you early on at least respected you in the end of the books, like Draco in the epilogue." Harmony said loudly.

"I get the feeling it's the ONLY reason he was in the epilogue." Ron muttered, having sworn off of Harry Potter fanfiction reading when he saw how retardedly popular the Rose/Scorpius pairing was. The gross lack of the gun action he had become accustomed to over his Hogwarts years had helped him make the decision, since obviously all these Muggle writers seemed oblivious. They had weapons that were faster to activate than wands, fired faster than wands, and had enough stopping power to, in conjunction, kill a dozen Death Eaters before they could get off a single spell, and they didn't use them for the War… _Ugh, I'm thinking like Harmony…_

Said woman Ron had just thought about shrugged "That and he was the only one out on probation who actually managed to reproduce."

"I'm pretty sure most of the people who disliked me ended up miserable or dead." Harry said, since they seemed to be done the previous point. "And the people who disliked me were shown to almost all just be spiteful, jealous, and so on."

"That's nine, eleven and sixty now, Harry." Hermione reported, to a deep sigh.

* * *

><p><strong>76. Do other characters often quickly and readily put their own responsibilities, dreams and even lives on hold in order to help out your character, andor quickly and readily engage in illegal or dangerous activity to help your character?  
>a) Even when there are innocent people who would or could be hurt by the other character's "selfless" actions?<br>b) Is anyone who DOESN'T do this treated or shown as being unfairly selfish and heartless?**

**77. Does anyone want to adopt your character, or wish they were their own offspring?**

**78. If/when your character gets into a romantic relationship with someone…  
>a) Is it love at first sight?<br>b) Does one or both partners realize almost right away that they're soul-mates or destined to be together?  
>c) Is the relationship perfect, with no real tension or meaningful disagreements between the two?<br>d) Does your character's partner think they're perfect and flawless?  
>e) Is their love treated as amazingly deep and profound, if not one of the most deep and profound ever?<br>f) Even though they've only known each other a few months or less?  
>g) Are prior romantic relationships treated as shallow or meaningless in comparison?<br>h) Have one or both characters NEVER felt anything like this for ANYONE before meeting the other, and it's not because they're adolescents coming into their sexuality or having their first romantic yearnings, or have lived in utter isolation up to this point?  
>i) Does the love interest give up on or ignore prior responsibilities, deep-rooted convictions, personal goals, passions or lifelong dreams and ambitions to be with your character and live the kind of life your character wants?<strong>

* * *

><p>"Lovely, the number of times you guys have followed me into less than legal trouble in the books…" Harry grimaced. "Yes for seventy-six, yes for the A sub-question, given you had to curse Neville when we went hunting for the Philosopher's Stone. Yes for seventy-seven because Sirius did want to adopt me, though I think it was largely as a replacement for my Dad."<p>

"I think seventy-eight has C as vaguely." Ginny cut in before Harry could get there "Because while I didn't agree in the books to his imbecilic 'dump me to protect me' bullshit I didn't shack up with Neville in the school year like a realistic girl would have if you'd pulled something that retarded in her face."

"Yes, well, Neville must have been quite dashing to have led a resistance in the school with you as the books suggest." Luna smirked a bit. "G is definitely true though, and so is H, though I feel Harmony's writing sounded more like lust, with the claws and scales, than love."

Ginny found this plausible "We really need to find you a good boyfriend soon, Harmony, so that you will understand what actual romantic love feels like…" _I guess she just didn't feel a spark could grow into a bonfire with Harry… and I was so persistent about it too, but, well, I'm not really complaining…_

Harmony had rolled her eyes, thinking _Ginny, I knew that Harry and I would fall apart before a decade had passed, because I had plans, big, Big PLANS and… I didn't want to warp his moral compass enough to remain with me, because I'd already fucked his mind up enough. That doesn't mean that I don't know what roaring, impotent jealousy feels like, clawing at the walls of its cage._ Still, she remained silent.

Meanwhile Ginny was saying "okay then. I is definitely false, because even in the books I was not stated to give up any dreams for Harry, though fanfiction writers mostly make me into a stay-at-home wife in their writings just because I have kids now, ugh. What bullshit." Admittedly, it was very nice of Harry to schedule his hours around hers so that the kids didn't have to always be at either of their grandparents' places, though neither Lily nor Molly particularly minded.

"Then it is settled, ten, eleven and sixty-four now. The next questions…" Hermione trailed off, her mouth opening and closing a couple times before Harry leaned over, took a LOONNNGGG look, and burst out laughing.

"How about look at the ones after those two, Potter?" Hermione growled, since he'd been laughing too close to her ear for comfort.

"Oh… uh oh…"

* * *

><p><strong>79. If your character wanted, could they have sex with or date almost any of the characters they find attractive?<br>a) Could your character even have sex with someone who is normally explicitly chaste, happily committed to a monogamous relationship with someone else, or isn't keen on the idea of casual sex?  
>b) With someone who isn't attracted to their sex or general type?<br>c) Could they have sex with pretty much ANYONE, if they really wanted to?  
>d) If your character finally settles on one, is it the most attractive one in the bunch?<strong>

**80. If/when your character has sex, is it absolutely perfect and beyond amazing?  
>a) Even if it's their first time?<strong>

* * *

><p>"Why didn't you continue on to the ones Harry found unpleasant?" Luna asked.<p>

"They were huge, so let's have a laugh about these first… I see Fred and George already got started." Hermione rolled her eyes while the twins were drawing diagrams in the air with their wands of Harry in a tug of war by a harem of the better-looking girls of their year and a couple years either way. "Clearly we're not counting Imperious-assisted rape here as a possibility that technically would make all of 79 at least 'Vaguely'. And… the books weren't rated high enough for 80 to apply."

"Harmony's no fun." Fred whined, because her doodle had joined the party from above, grabbed their Harry doodle by the head… and broke his neck before disappearing in a cloud of Psi-holographic smoke.

"While biologically comprehensible, I cannot encourage such fantasies. It is a source of countless wars as those in power, at little risk to themselves, sought a larger selection of females to add to their harems, while those without monopolized females agreed to fight for the chance of even one." Getting the idea that she was going on a rant again, Harmony shut the hell up.

* * *

><p><strong>81. On the subject of your character and their family…<br>a) Was your character orphaned, abandoned, kicked out, or at least raised by a family/person that was not their own family?  
>b) Was a major villain responsible for the death of the parents or guardians?<br>c) Was your character responsible for the death of their parents or guardians?  
>d) Did your character witness the death of the parentsguardians?  
>e) Were they adopted by a cruel family or person?<br>f) Ran away at any point?  
>g) Raised themselves?<br>h) Lived in the streets?  
>i) The very last or only survivor of anything?<br>j) Adopted by another species/racial group?**

**82. What about these?  
>a) Bornraised in extreme poverty?  
>b) Bornforced into slavery?  
>c) Banished from anywhere?<br>d) A member of a despised, outcast or downtrodden race or group?  
>e) An illegitimate child in a society where this is stigmatized?<br>f) The parent of an illegitimate child in a society where this is stigmatized?  
>g) Physically abused andor bullied?  
>h) Sexually abused andor raped?**

* * *

><p>"Before you guys tear into me on these two, I think Yes for A, B, D, E, F, and I of Question 81." Harry said loudly before anyone else could talk.<p>

"I'm glad you don't have that self-blaming thing about your parents anymore." Harmony inclined her head slightly, since it had been quite some time since they'd last met and spoken for this long at a time, what with Global Liberation Army business and all. "However, you were adopted by Muggles, which by the standards of your fandom are another racial group… fucking pureblood Nazi-wannabes…" She scowled, mind not so much entering the gutter as having torn off the manhole cover and dived into the sewer of her immense loathing of the Arrogance of Men. Given how often this occurred when she wasn't focused on, say, manoeuvring units and assets from tactical to global levels, it was rather astonishing that there were proverbial manhole covers at all.

"Okay, so seven under Yes from question 81 alone." Harry agreed, since, well, it did make sense.

Hermione attacked next "You were functionally raised in extreme poverty. You could probably have gotten more nutrition from scavenging restaurant refuse bins than the Dursleys were shown to give you, and a broom cupboard? Definitely slavery too. You were certainly part of a group the Dursleys despised. You were also physically abused and bullied. That's four more under Yes from question 82 alone."

"Ten, eleven and seventy-five by now…" Luna said, surprising them as she'd apparently kept track. "I think we need another break, I'm hungry."

Fred and George stared at her briefly, then looked over at Ron, who blinked back. Then they screamed and theatrically ran into each other trying to get up and run away, before clamouring over the back of the couches they had transfigured their chairs into and cowering "Ron's not the first to get hungry… THIS IS THE WAY THE WORLD ENDS!" One of them screamed, to the facepalming and irritated groaning of the two adult official residents of the home.

* * *

><p><em>After The Hassle Known As Mealtime…<em>

"Shall we continue?" Hermione asked once they were all seated. "Eighty-three is about whether or not anything remarkably strange or otherwise unusual happen in your character's infancy or childhood… what childhood are they talking about here, Harry? Because the book version of you could be interpreted to have no childhood or to never have grown up depending on opinions of his living conditions versus his attitude and choices."

"Just because I was too soft to sling lethal or near-lethal spells in the books even though it was a war?" Harry asked.

"Yeah. Even I knew to at least cull the enemy ranks as much as possible with every battle to depress their morale… Harmony made our book versions all act like children who had no idea what war was despite growing up in times of high Allied-Soviet tensions, which at least I would have been familiar with growing up, and were too stupid to learn from people like Kingsley in the books… Actually that wouldn't have been the best idea because I don't think he'd have recommended area-of-effect quick-and-easy spam-able magic like Reducto or Bombarda." The grunts of the Second Voldemort War had all been trained to use Reducto as their standard jack-of-all-trades combat spell, and more experienced ones transitioned to Bombarda, the blasting hex, which was a generally more powerful variant more efficient at those power levels than overcharging the standard Reductor would be in terms of magic expenditure. This resulted in not too many prisoners, but, well, it was a war of annihilation between the two sides, the Revolutionary United Front (you didn't think such a plain, non-grandiose, and exceedingly obvious name like Dumbledore's Army could actually be used by these warriors, did you?) and the Death Eaters i.e. pureblood Nazis.

Regardless of ideologies, the two basic combat spells of the RUF were almost like how the Arquebus replaced the bow. It was easier to train grunts in their use than a wide repertoire of directly offensive spells. It was basically sure damage in terms of only bouncing off properly modulated shields, which usually didn't occur and with mild training contact detonation on shields was perfectly doable. It didn't rely much on the magical intent or focus of the user since setting off a large firecracker into someone's skin was still well able to take a chunk out of them, disorient or re-orient (i.e. spin) them and often put them down for good, unlike Stunners, particularly on already downed enemies. It was also vastly more efficient at taking enemies down (or even wearing down shields) than most other spells of comparable simplicity. Consider for example nicking someone with the Cutting Curse, Diffindo, in the arm or the sleeve. A similar hit by a Reductor would instantly superheat that part of the sleeve or arm into vapor that then expands rapidly outward, either shattering the arm or blowing a large part of the limb off and mangling the rest. The point was that to take on a Death Eater uniform or to align yourselves with that faction in combat against RUF forces on operations meant you really wanted to eat death, and that the RUF was kind enough to feed it to you.

"You'd think the book version of me would have been intelligent enough to learn about real war, at least World War Two, even if the books' history didn't have any more world wars after the Second." Hermione was still gnashing her teeth "She would have learned of the World War Two Holocaust and understood the Death Eaters were, at heart, Nazis…"

"You're starting to sound like me, sister."

"I don't have your moral compass, but I'm not too dumb to admit that some of your stuff makes good sense." Hermione replied. "When war comes… it should be ended with as few friendly casualties, as few enemy civilian casualties, as little time, and as possible, in that order… did I get it right?"

Head-patting occurred here. "Heh, you're still as good as ever."

"My off-topic senses tingle." George said, yawning.

"Mine too, brother, mine too." Fred agreed.

"So, right, eighty-three… is a yes. Harry, wouldn't you say that random strangers hailing you often on the streets counts as something odd in your childhood in the books?" Ginny said, grinning, knowing the truth of his childhood. In actuality, he'd been squirrelled away with his parents after less than a month at the Dursleys and had been clingy as hell for years due to subconsciously feeling a bit abandoned for those few weeks. Then they'd had to screw with his memories to make him seem right to Dumbledore and other manipulative forces in his life.

"Well, I suppose… but this next one is retarded. It's… If I lost my virginity unwillingly, did I find a way to restore it…? Apparently this really is a thing?" Even he couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity. After a while though, they moved on.

* * *

><p><strong>85. Has your character otherwise lost:<br>a) A child?  
>b) Loverspouse?  
>c) Close friend?<strong>

**86. Is your character's trauma or pain somehow worse or more profound than the trauma or pain of other characters in the story who have gone through nearly or the exact same thing as your character?**

**87. If your character has a torment-ridden, pain-filled past, do you believe it excuses their actions and that your character should be above reproach or censure because of it?**

**88. If your character is of relative wealth and/or high social status, do they have "generic rebellious royal syndrome"?**

**89. Does your character angst about something that they did in the past?  
>a) Death of a main character's family?<br>b) Death of their own family?  
>c) Does your character eventually learn it wasn't their fault?<strong>

**90. If your character has to prove themselves, do they completely annihilate everyone else and make them look like buffoons in the process?**

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><p>"Well, you've lost close friends, Cedric could count relatively early on in the books, while Colin could count later… and Fred, of course…" George said slowly, while Fred waved to everyone as if introducing himself, though it was lacklustre due to the topic.<p>

"86 and 87 are definitely not true. But 88… Just Harry?" Ginny questioned.

Ron grimaced "You've always had an obsession about being 'Just Harry' and not wanting the spotlight and leadership role the Boy-Who-Lived could easily have taken in our society… Even in our real lives, you didn't go for Minister and then completely revolutionize everything, you sat back lazily and let Hermione do it. If she wasn't so competent, your inaction could easily lead to yet another Blood War in twenty to forty years…"

"But she IS competent, Ron." Harry pointed out.

"Perhaps that is a valid excuse then for his inaction?" Luna ventured. "Also…" her eyes flicked over to Harmony for a moment that they all saw and Harmony nodded acknowledgement of another reason Harry might stand back so casually: Hermione had a lot more potential brute firepower backing her up.

"It's a somewhat then, as he largely refuses to shoulder the burden of his social position, but it's not quite royal or official, I think." Ginny said, steering them back to the subject at hand. "For eighty-nine… Harry in the books angsts about all sorts of stuff, I'm not quite sure how book-me—damned over-perfect bint that she is—would have been attracted to him with how angst-ridden he was. He certainly angsts about his own family's death, and learns it wasn't his fault, but other major characters' families… I don't think he did. So that's three more yes from there, right?"

"I don't think I wrote him angsting about others' families' deaths…" Harmony frowned and steepled her fingers, then realized that holding one's head in front of said fingers for consideration was more tiring on both arms (especially thumbs) and head than propping it up on a fist.

"The author has spoken and so it is settled." Ginny stated "What about number ninety though? You guys were with him more, what do you think?"

"Brooms, First Year." Ron said first. He might not be quite as bad as in the books, but he still did like Quidditch, despite understanding that the sport was basically completely Seeker vs. Seeker it still made a good spectacle. It was why the other six players were added one by one or group by group, to be a spectacle while the two competing fliers could have their dick-waving contest looking for the Snitch and not bore their spectators to death watching two guys look around a field from atop brooms.

"Triwizard Tournament, the Dragon had you beating the others in time, the Lake too, even in the degree to which you went full retard." Hermione told him.

"Damn it. That's how many… ten, twelve and eighty-one?" He groaned at the immense number. "The subtraction section at the end better have a lot of multi-part questions, or if this gets out I'd have to wear a brown paper bag over my head in public or something. Luna, I hope you won't be reporting this?"

"No, Harry, because then the immediate identifier for British wizards in the Muggle world would be a brown paper bag over their heads. Never underestimate sheeple, Harry." She said patronizingly. "Now, this next question is about you being a villain and switching sides… discarded."

* * *

><p><strong>92. Does a major villain have a personal fixationobsession with your character?  
>a) For no apparent reason?<br>b) Something that has to do with the character's family or what they ARE, instead of something they'd DONE?**

**93. Is your character ever spared by an otherwise ruthless villain?  
>a) Because the villain is attracted to your character?<br>b) And/or does an otherwise-selfish villain protect or grant asylum to your character?  
>c) Do any of these happen despite the fact that your character has already done massive damage to the villain, the villain's troopsproperty, or has done anything to annoy the villain in general?**

**94. Does your character play a major and pivotal role in saving a world, race or group to which they did not belong at the beginning of the story?  
>a) Did your character start out on the side of a group or faction at odds with the group they save?<br>b) Do they become one of the group's leaders?**

* * *

><p>"In the first few books there was no statement as to why Voldemort was after me specifically, so I think ninety-two A is a vaguely… the other two boxes, in 92 and 92B are just Yes." Harry said.<p>

"I believe the sparing by Pettigrew in Book Seven counts as a vaguely for ninety-three B." Hermione said. "And now we get to the best part, the world-saving."

"I don't think this one even needs explaining." Fred chuckled, thinking about how dumb someone would need to be to have this particular question regarding Harry actually need explaining to them. It was difficult to picture the necessary IQ.

"Who knows, maybe someday someone might find a transcript of this conversation, and be confused?" George trolled along.

"ANYHOW, I believe that 94 is a somewhat, as the First Book's summary even specifically states he's gone off into the Wizarding World, which he did not initially belong to." Ginny talked loudly. She had remembered lots of details about the books because it was fun to tease her husband with said novels. "And he definitely became a leader."

"Twelve, thirteen, eighty-four…" Harry mumbled to himself in annoyance.

* * *

><p><strong>95. Have you ever wished you could datemarry/adopt/be your character?**

**96. Do you feel insulted, attacked or defensive when someone does not like your character?**

**97. If people don't like your character, do you believe it's just that they don't "get" the character, or that they're just jealous?**

**98. Did you feel that this test insulted or attacked you or your character so far?**

* * *

><p>"Mark down ninety-five as a Yes." Ginny called first.<p>

Harmony was baffled by this claim "Really? JK Rowling would have to be a pedophile then…"

"If JK Rowling was an actual person then maybe not, but remember, Harmony, that she is you, and, even though you quit in the most spectacular fashion possible, do not think for a moment that I didn't understand what went on between you two. It was why I started my Pirate-shipping campaign in the first place."

"Hermione, clearly that's not applicable for the test's purposes, yeah?" Harry asked pleadingly while the two jabbered on in a battle he hadn't seen since his sixth year. He had quite enough points toward Sue-ness already… and he was also seriously wondering if his wife was just being too nice to tell him to his face that she wanted either a divorce or a threesome. Obviously, asking either topic to her face was not recommended for continued marital satisfaction, though he probably should read up a bit more in case she wasn't finding him satisfactory and was just too nice to say anything. On the other hand, it could just be a typical case of old friends trolling each other on sight after years without communication…

"I agree with Harry. I don't think JK Rowling, were she real, would be functionally pedophilic." Hermione interrupted the debate, Ginny rolled her eyes and shrugged acquiescence.

"JKR would also certainly not be insulted if someone doesn't like him, she obviously knew what she was doing making him a Sue." Harmony turned toward her twin. "So none of the ones afterward apply."

"Okay, well that wraps up the 'All Characters' section. There's a few more to add that are Original Fiction only…" Hermione scrolled down.

* * *

><p><strong>Part 2: Original Fiction Characters<br>Only answer these questions if your character is for an original fiction.**

**1. Does your character have noticeably more romance and/or sex than any other regular character who shows an active interest in romance/intimacy (AKA Kirk Syndrome)?  
>a) Everyone else combined?<br>b) Even though there's no good reason why the other characters can't get a date?**

**2. Does your character have a job or skill that is discouraged, forbidden, or unusual among their sex, race or social status?**

**3. Does your character single-handedly save the day WAY more often than other main characters?  
>a) More than other main characters combined?<br>b) Even when there's no good reason why another character wouldn't have been just as capable?  
>c) With a heretofore unknown power or skill?<br>d) Does your character almost die in the process?  
>e) Does your character actually die in the process? (Any nasty irreversible thing, like getting sent to an inescapable dimension, counts too.)<br>f) Does everyone mourn the death of your character?  
>g) Are they later revived, resurrected, or brought back somehow?<strong>

* * *

><p>"Is that it?" Harry asked numbly.<p>

"That's it for the additions."

"Good, because that adds at least seven points or so easily. Even if we don't count Parseltongue as true for number two, I count 3, 3A, B, C, D, E, F and G to all be true."

"What do you mean there was no good reason why another character wouldn't have been just as capable? In the universe I wrote clearly we didn't have nearly as many world wars as in this one… Hmm, if Dumbledore beating Grindelwald as early as 1945 occurred it meant a reduction in the supply of sacrifices for Grindelwald's rituals even earlier, and the only way Hitler would have gone under that fast" Their Second World War had lasted until 1948 "would have been… no… even he couldn't be so retarded as to attack the Soviet Union… but… if that had happened, then assuming there was no immediate continuation of the war between the Allies and Comintern, a cold war of some sort would have been inevitable. If their Soviet Union in its original form held out anywhere nearly as long as ours did, or even into at least the mid to late eighties, Hermione would have to be a retarded nerd to not learn of the cold war of theirs, and the Second World War that came before. Therefore, she was not capable of the brainpower needed to have been able to solve all your problems well enough."

Hermione coughed "I didn't appreciate you writing me as a retarded nerd who can't seem to understand the meaning of war. I know the history you wrote behind it was way softer, but even just a similar World War Two should have been enough for her to draw similarities with the Blood Wars." In their history, they had already had six world wars, and the world was currently in significant part involved in the First Tiberium War.

Harmony rolled over her sister's words "Anyhow, there were good reasons why no one else was as capable, Harry…"

Harry snorted derisively "I kindly disagree. If you hadn't given Hermione a telephone pole up her ass moralistically, and she'd have been more typical of a young Muggleborn being pushed around by enough bullies to look for an equalizer, ANY equalizer, the way the Creevey brothers concluded that their best chance against the pureblood nuts would be submachine guns, then started lamenting about how to get some. Hermione would probably have read enough books to create working replicas and then the war would have been over within a couple massacres."

Guns fired too fast to be dodged, unlike spells, they had sheer volume of fire (in the time it takes you to wave your wand and/or shout for a spell you'd have been ventilated at least three to four times). Anyone so retarded as to suggest employing shielding against them had also better cast the shields BEFOREHAND and keep them up the whole time of the encounter or they were utterly fucked, as many had learnt as they died. Purebloods simply hadn't adapted fast enough to deal with automatic-firearm-based combat in the few occasions in the second Blood War when it was purely Harmony's closest friends versus the Death Eaters, and "EVERYTHING EXPLODES" was also a bit of a culture shock to them.

"Well, next comes the 'de-Suifiers'. I hope you are ready, Harry." Hermione grinned over her screen.

"I think the appropriate phrase here is that 'My body is ready'?"

"I'm surprised you're familiar with that line." Harmony told him "We did decide wizards shouldn't be made to contact too much technology in case some jealous asshole engineers a magically-augmented computer virus just to hate on computers, didn't we?"

"I thought you figured out the Internet was alive and sentient enough to fend off any such attempt?" Fred asked.

She shook her head. "Still too dangerous. Anyhow, we're at twelve, thirteen, and ninety-two. Let's move on and try to whittle it down a bit for you."

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><p>AN: Lack of reviews disappoints me.

REVIEW!


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